The appraisal process for personal property appraisers has technical and legal limitations (USPAP) similar to most other professions. But the greatest difference credentialed appraisers have over other professions (i.e. law, accounting, etc.) is the subjective aspect of our work. Though we must base our numerical conclusions on credible market data, we nonetheless have to use more than a moderate amount of subjectivity when we render valuations. That’s why we refer to our conclusions as “opinions of value”. When 10 appraisers are asked a question, one often gets 12 different answers.
You are perhaps imagining the large intellectual gray area in which we work? Well, no, it’s not gray, nor white, and not black; it’s more like plaid. The degree of difficulty and permutations of variable factors are often beyond the pale. It’s like golfing while being blindfolded. That’s how difficult it can be at times.
For example: Take the case of the client who wanted an appraisal of a Jesus relic for the purpose of donating it to the Church. He said that it was accompanied by documentation that dated back 1500 years and he bought it from a priest who got it from a princess, and so on. “Interesting,” said I, “And so why don’t you just sell it?” He explained that the big auction houses in New York and Houston had refused because of the probable adverse publicity the sale of a relic might generate. I hadn’t thought of that angle, but it’s true; that would likely be the result were a venue so foolish as to sell such an important religious relic. So I then asked, “Alright, what do you expect it might appraise for if you donate it to the Church?” His reply: “$10 million.” I was reticent, to say the least. But you probably wonder: Why not appraise a Jesus relic? Surely it is worth millions?
The problem is this: proof. Will it stand up in U.S. Tax Court?
One step below the U.S. Supreme Court is Tax Court. The penalty for a deliberate or negligent error is 20% of the error amount and loss of one’s privilege to practice before the Commissioner. In other words, if I were to value the Jesus relic at $10M, I’d not only be fined $2M but I’d also lose my job. And the client would also be fined 20%.
So, but what if the proof is really very good?
People, it ain’t never going to be good enough for any appraiser with organic gonads. The risk is too great. I guarantee you, or anyone for that matter, that before His corpse was cold some shyster was hawking “relics” on the nearest street corner and that fraud has been perpetrated repeatedly ever since. There are very likely 2000 year old fakes out there, and 1500 year old fakes, and 50 year old fakes all loose in the marketplace. That’s just the way it is and always will be. Unless I, personally, see Jesus step on a cobblestone I can’t be 100% certain of the stone’s authenticity, and neither can anyone else. That’s the rarefied atmosphere we appraisers operate in. Can there ever be enough circumstantial anecdotal supporting evidence? Sure. But at the $10M level who’s going to take the risk?
In the appraisal business we refer to these people as “wingnuts.” I talk to them all the time. This week someone must have opened a gate because I was virtually stampeded by them. Some weeks it’s that way. Such is life.
And the other element in the blog title, “boat anchors”. What’s that all about, you ask?
Boat anchors are simply a stock item in an antiques shop that fails to sell over a very long period of time. It can’t be edible, or it would still be useful to eat. And it can’t float. So if the dealer can’t eat it, can’t sell it, and it sinks like a rock, what else is it good for? Anchoring a boat of course, hence “boat anchor.”
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